hyperfocused

hyperfocused on a color
or the way two colors look when they're on the page together
or three or four on the page together
side by side
side by side the way we should be.

hyperfocused on a melody that has yet to come to fruition
a melody in thought form
in neuron form
or maybe heartbeat form
not yet really waveform.

hyperfocused on a shape
on twenty-one shapes i have yet to paint
hyperfocused on these things.

a constant flood of colors and sounds and shapes
overflowing in inner worlds
almost unbearable
almost too much to take
almost.

but for too much time my senses
absorb the whitewashed floors and 
dull blue-grey fabric that covers the walls
between the cubicles.

royal blue lab coats
the same color as my high school's sports teams
making me feel like i never escaped
like i never escaped in the first place.

i'm frustrated but grateful
i love what i have but i want more
i force away the flood to get my work done
like most weekdays for the eleven years before.

do i need this anchor?
do i need to stay afloat?
would the flood subside if i was hungry and broke?
or would it flow even more?

when will i know?
when will i know?