31 December 2008

don't look back

waiting at the station
for that hand to strike
waiting for the right time
to say goodbye

i saw your tracks lead elsewhere
i watched you pull away
the last time was the last time
another train is on the way

if another train is coming
if another train is coming
don't look back
don't look back

27 December 2008

not in the cards

the question marks arrive from the bottom of my mind
like all the words that were never said
like everything i've held and all the things i've lost
i hand paint my thoughts on the concrete wall around your heart

it's not in the cards, he said, he said

every time i close my eyes i see the truth
every sound i hear is an echo of you

it's not in the cards, he said, he said

30 November 2008


i put myself under a microscope
i zoom in
i dissect myself
i analyze and over-analyze
every action, every thought,
every aspect of my physical being
i tear myself to pieces
and inspect each piece
until i find its flaws
then i focus on those flaws
and reject that piece of myself
i do this with all the pieces
until i've completely destroyed myself-
completely destroyed all i was,
all i am, all i could be.

14 September 2008

walking at night in LA

forcing herself into the black night air
walking the same streets
like so many times before
through the thick layer of exhaust, and exhaustion

the moon seems to lose its holy glow
it hangs there in melancholy-
so dim and dull

orange streetlamps artificially light the way
along the overused Boulevard
flooded by plastic figurines-
moving but un-alive

she looks to the solitary trees
for a welcomed sign of life.

10 September 2008


i sit here, alone in this room
surrounded by half-emptied boxes of nothing that really matters

i sit here alone and i think of you.

05 March 2008

boiling point

it's the rising
of my blood
that reminds me
who you are
who you really are.

21 February 2008

diving rock

     there's a big diving rock right at the point where the rivers of imagination and reality meet; where, after flowing separately for thousands of miles, their waters finally come together and mix and swirl and become one without becoming one; there's a ladder made of rope that will take you to the top of the diving rock, if you want to go there; you can climb up and dive in, to go for a swim in those turbulent waters..

15 February 2008


tumbling through a bottomless river of sky
your tired eyes are full of hope now
your fingertips compose the soundtrack to the universe
as you know it.

i can't help but wonder how much
that big wide world you live in
overlaps with this big wide world of mine

i remind myself to surrender to this present moment
and accept things exactly as they are
without wishing for more.

if i could open up the pages of your heart
like a sentimental book
and read the poetic reality

if i could curl up with that book
underneath the covers
on a cold and windy
and moonless
and endless winter night

if i could read the pages,.....

i push the mute button
on wasted thoughts
to rest my head against the pillow
of pages
of my own beating heart.

31 January 2008

it's been a long night

a northbound train speeding along weather-worn tracks,
she's leaving behind a wayward past

the only place she knows she really wants to go,
is somewhere completely unknown

where morning's on the horizon.

10 January 2008

part II

words fall like droplets of water
in a waterfall
exploding upon impact
against weather worn rocks-
worn smooth and glassy by
the act of persistence

the damage is internalized when there's no one left to blame
self-imposed scars, the color of the moonless midnight sky,
or,.. deep in the earth in a cave untouched by a single particle of light,..
self-imposed scars aid the healing

black isn't the absence of color, it's all the colors mixed together
and water isn't pure, just strong and unyielding

scars self-imposed. hundreds of needles a minute
penetrating previously untainted skin
hundreds of needles a minute
unyielding and strong
like droplets in a waterfall

yesterday was yesterday
and a year ago is a decade away
when you toss out all the illusions
and you take hold of all that is true, to you
you take hold of a road all your own, on your own
and you wonder if he'll ever look deep enough to see..

and every time you're in the pre-dawn desert, and swallowed by a billion stars
and every time you find euphoric magic, in the subtle melody of a song
every time a simple piece of beauty is unleashed upon your heart, by the ways of the world
every time
every time you'll think of him first

every time

every time you take hold of all that is true, to you..
every time you'll think of him first

every time.

but yesterday is yesterday and so far gone
a year ago is a million miles away
but among the droplets of water, so persistent and strong
and all the magic in the world

you toss out the illusions
and take hold of all that is true, to you
you take hold of a road all your own, on your own,..

but you still wonder if he'll ever look deep enough to see...

06 January 2008

immutable waters

the depths of alone are like an abyss of the ocean
full of immutable waters of knowledge of self

there's one in this neighborhood with ink on his arm
says, "brother of darkness and alone"

it's not what you wanted, but it's what you came here for.